18 years ago I got married to my wonderful wife. In the past 15 years of ministry I have been able to preform 37 weddings. Some are still married, some are not.
I have had the pleasure of talking with and learning from friends who are life long singles, divorced, remarried, couples who live together and couples that have been married far longer than we have. I have heard some great stuff along the way and really enjoy thinking about relationships and our deep interconnectedness as humans.
This is my favorite piece of advice. I typed this up and gave it to my friend on the eve of his wedding. I thought it would be fun to post it here.
Treat your marriage like it was a third person in your house. There is you, your wife and your marriage – it is an entity all it’s own. You need to invest time in it, invest energy in it and invest money in it. You could be doing well and your wife could be doing well but your marriage… not so much. In your budget make sure that there is a line for your stuff, her stuff and your marriage’s stuff – don’t deny that all three of you need and deserve a line item. In your scheduling make sure that you get some time, she gets some time and it gets some time.
At your wedding the preacher will say “the two are one”. That is true in one sense. The other side of that truth is that you have created a new reality that must be cared for as a ‘third’.
Everyone I know who does something like this has a marriage you can live in, everyone who does not do this sees the effects of not doing it. When it comes to marriage, there a lot of variables, but here are two things that I am pretty confident of:
- Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition. It is a 100/100 endeavor. It takes everything you can give it to really make it work.
- Marriage is not two, it is three. Whether you call it a third strand that binds you together or a covenant or something else, it is more than just the two of you.
I want to thank all our friends and family who make our life so rich and wonderful. Thank you for all your love. -Bo
Bo Sanders: Public Theology 
July 17, 2011 at 11:53 pm
Expenses we have incurred for line item in budget for marriage: hotel rooms for in-laws, therapists, prozac, babysitters. Just sayin’.
July 19, 2011 at 1:48 pm
This is solid as a rock. I had forgotten about this. What a great reminder my friend!